Earlier today I underwent a meditation exercise in gratitude.  I was bored and had nothing better to do so I thought, why not?  What I experienced was very profound.  The meditation brought to my consciousness the gratitude I have for my cousin and her family.  I don’t remember ever experiencing an unconditional love as I do when I am with them.  Her, her husband, and daughters love me more than I ever could have imagined.  The thought of this brought me to tears.  Christmas is around the corner and my father passed away a couple months ago.  I missed my last opportunity to spend Christmas and his birthday with him because I was locked up.  The consequences of my choices were more than I could have realized at that point in time.

I’ll be spending Christmas with my cousin and her family this year.  She asked me what I wanted for Christmas.  The truth is that being able to spend Christmas with them and get them presents is all I want and what I already have.  The gift I’m receiving this Christmas is the opportunity to be a part of and to give instead of receive.  Last year I was in jail and the years before that I very seldom got anyone presents.  There was a year that I gave lavishly but I was not present mentally or spiritually for the holiday.  This year will mark the first time I’ve ever been able to give from the heart as well as be present in doing so and for that I’m infinitely grateful.  There was a time when I wondered if I would ever be able to do that in life, as well as a time when I was not even conscious of this as something to be done.  The simple joy of spending Christmas with loved ones and not wanting to be anywhere else is beyond description.