My close friend, Trevor, and I have had long philosophical discussions for many years. Two or three years ago we were sitting at a table in his living room and we’re talking about positivity and negativity. The point was made that positivity and negativity are both contagious but negativity is much more contagious than positivity. The advantage that positivity has over negativity is that positivity can’t be destroyed whereas negativity can be destroyed. No matter how much negativity is alive, positivity will always exist. However I’m sure we have all experienced the power of pure positivity, without any clouding of negative energy. That’s what hope is, that small amount of positive energy in the face of vast negative energy.
I realized in talking to Trevor today that positivity and negativity aren’t what it’s about at all. My first epiphany was that negativity isn’t real, it’s really just a raw form of positivity. Then my thoughts were led in another direction when I was randomly reminded that duality is an illusion.
The duality here is positivity/negativity, but the duality is an illusion because there has to be some standard being used to make the differentiation between what counts as positive or negative. This standard is the third form. This standard is a measurement. So now we have a positivity-negativity-measurement trinity.  
Without any effort on my part I was immediately led to the conclusion that this duality and this trinity are both illusions as well. The supposition underlying the duality and the trinity is that energy exists, and then is differentiated into positive or negative forms based on some standard of measurement.  
This raises a much more practical question: in dealing with energy, what determines the perceived form of the energy? To me, the obvious answer is our perception as it relates to us. The next question I had is what determines whether an energy will go from a raw form of neither positive or negative to one or the other? This answer is up to debate in my opinion, because it is based in perception too, I believe.
My point to all this is that negativity and positivity are not end forms of energy because energy can’t be created or destroyed. Energy is constantly changing. Therefore negative energy is the most important energy for the simple fact that it has potential to be positive energy and can be turned into any positive form one desires, the same way t can be kept negative or changed to another form of negative energy.
Energy gives us life, it doesn’t kill us. When energy leaves our bodies we are perceived as dead. The mere presence of energy, neither positive or negative, gives us life. So by looking at energy not as positive or negative, but just the fact that it merely exists is a good thing. So the presence of energy is a gift, and we, perceivably that is, have the power to change it to a positive form for us. To blame negativity for having an effect on our lives is robbing us of our innate power to affect and change the very world around us. Seeing negative energy as an opportunity for growth, development, and progress is where the true realization of our power lies as beings that are alive and made of energy, whether it is thermal, electromagnetic, kinetic, or any other form of energy. We have the power to use energy in any form to our advantage.

A novel sensation of satisfaction was experienced today upon learning I didn’t get a job I had pseudo-interviewed for.  It seemed to be a reassurance by the universe that very good things are in store for me and that time is needed to put them properly into place.  I don’t recall what line of thinking transitioned me to how energy works between people but I was led to the realization that our physical world, being extremely condensed energy, is animated by energy of a higher frequency.  It’s almost incomprehensible yet so utterly simple.  Matter and energy can be neither created nor destroyed.  Quantum physics has shown us that matter is condensed energy.  Therefore, everything is energy.  There is one energy, not a new one, old one, or different one.  All energy is ultimately the same energy, and we’re all that same energy, so we are all really the same one thing.  I am you, you are me, God is us, and we are God.  I read one time that the funny thing about transcendence to a higher state is ironic because you want to reach a higher state so as to move a mountain for instance and once you reach the state where you can move the mountain, it’s in the exact place you want it already.

Earlier today I underwent a meditation exercise in gratitude.  I was bored and had nothing better to do so I thought, why not?  What I experienced was very profound.  The meditation brought to my consciousness the gratitude I have for my cousin and her family.  I don’t remember ever experiencing an unconditional love as I do when I am with them.  Her, her husband, and daughters love me more than I ever could have imagined.  The thought of this brought me to tears.  Christmas is around the corner and my father passed away a couple months ago.  I missed my last opportunity to spend Christmas and his birthday with him because I was locked up.  The consequences of my choices were more than I could have realized at that point in time.

I’ll be spending Christmas with my cousin and her family this year.  She asked me what I wanted for Christmas.  The truth is that being able to spend Christmas with them and get them presents is all I want and what I already have.  The gift I’m receiving this Christmas is the opportunity to be a part of and to give instead of receive.  Last year I was in jail and the years before that I very seldom got anyone presents.  There was a year that I gave lavishly but I was not present mentally or spiritually for the holiday.  This year will mark the first time I’ve ever been able to give from the heart as well as be present in doing so and for that I’m infinitely grateful.  There was a time when I wondered if I would ever be able to do that in life, as well as a time when I was not even conscious of this as something to be done.  The simple joy of spending Christmas with loved ones and not wanting to be anywhere else is beyond description.

Their presence was simply a fact of the moment.  The concept of ‘I’ didn’t exist.  It just was.  It was the beginning of the transformation of my life, very slowly.  The only thing we have is now, and it’s really just nothing anyways.  Not in a cynical sense, though.  My understanding of the universe began with biochemistry, with drugs.  They interest me deeply.  There is something spiritually intriguing about psychedelics.  Our entire existence is a drug experience as Dennis McKenna said.  Whether we’re experiencing consciousness that is based on external molecules or the neurotransmitters that are naturally synthesized in our physical bodies, we are experiencing drugs.  Drugs are the basis on which consciousness exists, ours or otherwise.  Molecular interactions, interactions between particles are all that the physical world is.  Chemistry states that like dissolves likes.  The more alike things are, the more effective of a solution they create.  We are naturally attracted to people and things that we like, that are like us.  People we befriend are similar to us, they have similar interests to us.  We dissolve together easily.  Two people that have zero common interests and don’t speak a common language will have a much more difficult time “dissolving” with each other than you and I, who have the English language as a medium to convey our similar interests which we obviously have if you have read this far into my ramblings.  Opposites attract is still an applicable statement.  In chemistry, reactions happen through the transfer of electrons from one atom to another, and the separation of electron bonds between to atoms to form electron bonds with new atoms.  When We dissolve together and become friends, we coexist and intermingle.  When two people enter into a passionate love affair, the chemistry is extremely reactive.  It leaves both parties changed forever just as a chemical reaction does.  Life, reality, the universe, existence, whatever you call it, is holographic.  As is above, is below.  Knowledge of specifics is not universally applicable.  Wisdom, knowledge that works everywhere, is the true knowledge of the universe.  Conciliation is the ultimate measure of intelligence.  How can I use my knowledge of seemingly unrelated things to gain understanding of something I know nothing about.  How capable am I of sifting through everything I know to find what is universally applicable.  Can I see the true connections.  Under all these masks and semantics of life, can I see the truth?  Everything that exists is affected by what has existed and what will exist.  Something we observe at one piece of ‘time’ is not what it is.  All particles are unfolding and being realized not at any single point in time but as the culmination of everything it was, is, and will be.

I would like to think of myself as a natural writer but I’m sure that every person pursuing writing to one degree or another does.  Obviously I’m not special, but I like to think I am, just as everyone else does.  I’m sitting in a halfway house, eight months sober.  I’m trying to learn about stock trading, I’m attempting to write a blog.  I want to become materially successful, which is ironic in and of itself because I operate on the understanding that the material world is an illusion, a transition to whatever comes after all this.  If it’s all an illusion and I have to be here, I might as well experience everything it has to offer though.  The only skills I possess are marketing and sales acquired from trafficking controlled substances.  I was one of, if not the smartest person in my classes up through high school.  I had a promising life ahead of me as a gentleman and a scholar but chose to be a criminal instead.  I don’t regret it, it was fun as hell and taught me a lot.  My experience in “real life” and the criminal world has shown me nothing other than the fact that the criminal world has morals.  Sure, you can’t trust a criminal, but at least you know that up front.  Everyone’s a liar and a thief to some extent but “regular” people try to bullshit you into thinking they aren’t.  Law abiding citizens live mostly in fear.  It humors me.  That’s the first lie of the real world; we’re honest to each other.  The most trustworthy people I’ve ever met were drug dealers and murderers.  If you didn’t cross them, they wouldn’t cross you.  The reason people aren’t trustworthy is because money is what’s most important to them, and for that simple fact and that simple fact alone they are dependable.  Human beings, being animals, operate based off incentive.  The only way to make sure that someone never fucks you over is to make sure your value to them is priceless.  Branding 101.  A service must be provided that is indispensable.  How do you explain religious folk and people that just want to do the right thing?  You provide them with a place and opportunity to further their reputation as honest or to further solidify they’re reservation in heaven.   Sure it’s cynical, but every action a person takes is based off of how it benefits them in the end.  Whether they’re honest enough with themselves to see it or not is a different question.  This blog was inspired out of the idea of whoring myself out to pursue avenues to material success.  I’d like to say the main point is to have a place to express my inner thoughts and emotions to a public audience that doesn’t directly know me, perhaps as an exercise in self-esteem.  That would be, however, a lie.  I’d love for success and riches to come from this, for this to be the beginning of a long and prosperous career in writing.  The truth is that it is unlikely for that to happen, so I deceive myself about my primary goal so that no matter what this will be perceived as a success.  I don’t handle failure well.  I’m an ego-maniac with an inferiority complex.  A perfectionist with a track-record for procrastination.  I feel like a failure when I fail, and to me failing is anything less than stardom and being written down in the history books.  I have a legendary drive inside of me and the true capability to achieve the best.  I’m in the process of shaping my drive for maximum effectiveness.   My friend sitting across from me asked what the point of this was, and I have no idea what it is.